Five Reasons to Go to Couples Therapy
Melissa Fulgieri, a couples therapist based in Brooklyn breaks down five issues couples therapy can help with.
Couples therapy seems like the hot new thing and for good reason. Gone are the days when you needed to hide the fact that you were in couples therapy because of the stigma that something must be terribly wrong.
In reality, people come into couples therapy for all sorts of reasons and at all stages of a relationship.
Having a third and neutral party helps you and your partner work through things can be incredibly helpful.
Not sure if couples therapy can help your relationship? Read on to find out if couples therapy can work for you.
Five Reasons to Try Couples Therapy
Before you make a huge commitment
Before you make a huge commitment like getting married, moving in together, having a child, or opening up your relationship, it’s very important to make sure you are on the same page about your feelings, expectations, needs, and boundaries.
I love how many couples enter my practice before they hit the crisis point.
This is so important because you are taking a proactive approach to shore up the foundation of your relationship, as you prepare for experiences that you know will test your relationship.
Think about it this way—we know it’s best to communicate when we feel calmest. Same goes for this— it is best to communicate before the crisis point so you can think clearly and have the space to do the same for your partner.
You have the same fight over and over again
Have you and your partner found yourself getting in the same loop over and over again about a topic?
It can feel so frustrating not to feel like you can do anything different in conflict, which can often result in not sharing your feelings because the last thing you feel like doing is getting into that same old fight again.
In this case, a couples therapist can help you overcome an impasse by facilitating conversations about the topic that you may not have had before and help you see your partner’s perspective in a new way.
They can even bring creativity and insight into your problem solving, as it’s often hard to see our problems with new eyes when we’ve rehashed it time and time again.
A therapist will help you consider new paths you may not have considered before.
To build back reconnection
Long-term relationships take work and effort.
It is completely natural to feel like you and your partner feel more like roommates than lovers or miss that spark you had early on in your relationship.
There is nothing wrong with being in this phase of your relationship, and it’s not realistic to think things will just get better on their own.
Reigniting passion and connectedness requires active participation from both parties. A couples therapist can help you along that journey so it doesn’t feel as overwhelming and unclear on how to get started.
To help manage a new life stressor
New life stressors, like a new child or an aging parent moving in or a job loss, completely shake up our day-to-day activities and, subsequently, our relationship’s feeling of stability.
A couples therapist can help you revisit the expectations of your relationship and discuss how those expectations may need to shift or be renegotiated. It is very easy, with new stress, to blame the other adult in the room: your partner.
But, a couples therapist will challenge you to see the problem as one you can get on the same team around so that the blame doesn’t fall between you two.
If you are wondering if you should break up
Unfortunately, not all relationships last forever.
A couples therapist trained in discernment counseling can help you decide if breaking up is ultimately the right path or if you should spend time in couples therapy trying to work it out.
They can help you process these different paths and ultimately determine what is right and healthiest for you and your partner.
Can Couples Therapy Work?
Couples therapy can be a powerful tool for addressing various relationship goals. Each couple’s situation is unique, and therapy can provide tailored support to help you navigate your specific challenges.
Here are some common goals couples often pursue in therapy:
Goals for Couples Therapy
Get on the same page before making a big commitment
Break the cycle of rehashing the same argument
Increase sense of connection and spark
Navigate a a new life stressor
Gain clarity about ending the relationship
Where to find a virtual couple’s therapist
Finding the right couples therapist is an important step in your journey toward a healthier relationship. Fortunately, with the rise of teletherapy, accessing support has never been easier.
Online therapy directories are one of the best places to start your search. Websites like Psychology Today allow you to filter therapists based on various criteria, such as location, specialty, and therapeutic approach.
You can find a list of licensed therapists who offer virtual sessions by entering your zip code. This gives you the opportunity to read their profiles, learn about their experience, and see if their approach aligns with your needs.
I’m based out of Brooklyn, New York, and offer virtual sessions for couples anywhere in New York or New Jersey. My approach focuses on fostering open communication and understanding, and I’m here to help you navigate your relationship challenges.
Ready to give couples therapy a try? Reach out Melissa to schedule a free 15-minute consult call.
More notes on relationships:
Melissa Fulgieri, LCSW is a therapist, author, and professor from New York City. Melissa helps millennials struggling with anxiety, depression and childhood trauma build self-compassion and inner trust to improve their relationships and lead authentic lives. She is the author of Couples Therapy Activity Book. Her latest book, Healing Relational Trauma: Powerful Skills to Identify Triggers, Cultivate Self-Trust and Deepen Connection with Your Partner, comes out Spring 2025. She teaches at Fordham’s Graduate School of Social Service. You can follow her at @melissafulgierillc or head to her website to schedule a session.